When the Investment Just Isn't Worth it.

 I find myself at a very awkward place in life. At age nineteen, I am somewhat viewed as an adult, but college has seemed to throw me into a strange place of in-betweenment of childhood and adulthood. I have personal responsibility as an adult, but everyone encourages me to not pursue mature levels of commitment. For instance, society holds a stigma about marrying under the age of at least twenty-one; despite high levels of commitment, maturity, and wisdom possessed by some couples that choose this path.  I was even advised not to pursue a three-year track through college by some. The reason? "You need to take the time to invest in yourself."


   How are young adults today being encouraged to invest in themselves? By going through school as slowly as possible in order to "put off entry into the real world". By putting off marriage in order to enjoy "freedom" through singleness before "tying yourself down". By "pursuing a career and climbing the company ladder before your babies are crying for you every waking minute". I'm not making this up, folks. This is the advice most in the generations before me are giving to me and my peers.

  I'm writing this to say that, for a time, I gave in. I invested in myself. And the investment just wasn't worth it. College makes it very easy for Millenials to fall into this trap. Several of us are blessed to have parents monetarily investing in our education. We have professors investing in us by imparting the skills they have in order to grow our knowledge. College is often where people have their first serious relationship that makes them wonder if they've met "The One". In this relationship, we begin to grow concerned with what we can get out of it rather than what we can give. We let some friendships drift apart because we don't feel that we are getting our needs satisfied, rather than fighting for it by being patient and better fulfilling the needs of the other side. The truth is, investing in myself lead me to be unhappier than I've ever been before. My usually extroverted self dreaded social situations because I always feared the lack of investment I felt people had in me because of mine in them. The only place in my life where I felt confident was academics because this is where my energies have been driven for a long time.

   God calls us to first, invest in Him, and second, in the lives of others (Matt. 22:37-39). Our relationships aren't meant to be an even trade between the two parties. Jesus affirms this in Matthew 5:38-41, where he replaces the old, Levitical law of retaliation when a brother hurts you with the loving law of giving more than is required or expected. Romans 1:10 instructs us to "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Outdoing one another certainly sounds more like a competition than a trade-off! We are also encouraged to "count others more significant than ourselves." (Phil. 2:3-4) True happiness is only found when we "Seek first the kingdom of God." (Matthew 6:33)

  Let me also add that a marriage will not be improved from a person taking the time to invest in themselves. One of the highest standards the Lord holds for sacrificial love rests on the shoulders of husbands. In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are told to possess love for their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her". Later in the passage, husbands are instructed to "love their wives as their own bodies." As women, we are not lacking in responsibility in the marriage relationship. In 1 Cor. 7:3-5, in the context of the intimate relationship between husband and wife, Paul teaches Christian spouses to fulfill the physical needs of the other despite personal preferences. In Titus 2, women are instructed to "love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." The Proverbs 31 woman is also an excellent example of putting her needs (sleep, leisure, etc.) behind the needs of her family. Rather than seeking to invest in themselves, young people should seek to learn the qualities of investing in others to develop a foundation for a strong marriage.

  I'm afraid older generations are losing faith in young people today. We are being encouraged to "sow our wild oats" rather than work to build maturity. Ever so desperately do we need Paul's exhortation in 1 Timothy 4:12, "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." Merriam-Webster defines despise as to 1. look down on with contempt or aversion, or 2. to regard as negligible, worthless, or distasteful. Paul is directing Timothy to act in such a way that nobody can view him with contempt or as worthless. Basically, a  good-for-nothing or rascal. Solomon, in all his wisdom, also encourages young people to "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth" in Ecclesiastes 12. Let us as the rising generation be above reproach and endeavor to serve God and others.

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace...Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the LORD! -Psalm 144:12,15